


Russian Spies Make Good Parents aka The Many Adventures of the Barnes-Romanov Family

by Illiteracy_is_for_woozles



Series: The Future Is History [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Acephobia, Asexual Character, Asexual Original Character, Asexual main character, Asexuality Spectrum, Babysitting, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes is a good Dad, Coming Out, Dear Evan Hansen References, Extended Families, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Fight me on that, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gun Safety, Guns, Happy, Hide and Seek, Home, Humorous Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Luis Is Rebecca Barnes' Grandson, Make a Man Out of You (Mulan Song), Mulan (1998) References, Music, Musical References, Musicals, Musicians, Natasha Romanov is a good mom, One Big Happy Family, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Natasha Romanov, Protective Bucky Barnes, Shinedown References, Spy Natasha Romanov, The Ring References, Xavier Institute, good parenting, guns are not toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-27 17:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17771003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illiteracy_is_for_woozles/pseuds/Illiteracy_is_for_woozles
Summary: A weekend in the Barnes-Romanov household is... weird.Or: no one in this family sleeps like a normal person, someone comes out and it involves tears, dreams aren't always accessible, and Bucky's nephew is the best/worst babysitter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am the biggest WinterWidow shipper so I apologize if this series is a little bouncy, but I was excited.  
> Also, I ascribe to a few headcanons (along with, like, 10k other people on tumblr) where we found a certain MCU character that may possibly be actually related to Bucky Barnes. (The man had sisters, one of which canonically moved to California when she got married in the comics. Fight me on this) So I liked it and thought the nephew would be a good addition to this, plus I needed a babysitter for the final chapter.

Bucky’s eyes shot open, his flesh hand reaching under his pillow before he was fully awake.

For a moment, he panicked at not being able to find his gun before he remembered that he’d moved it to the locked drawer by the bed. He was sure Bekah could still get to it, she did have super-strength after all, but the extra effort was there and she was smart; she knew not to play with guns.

The panic eased away while he thought this through, along with the remainders of his nightmare’s sharper edges. He rolled onto his back and took slow, calming breaths like his therapist had showed him.

Natalia rolled over, eye bright and focused in the darkness even though Bucky was sure he’d just woken her up.

“You alright?” She laid her hand on his chest, rubbing her thumb comfortingly over his sternum. It was grounding but he needed to get up.

“Just a nightmare.” He slid out from under her hand and the blankets, intending to do his rounds.

After grabbing his gun, he shut the door behind him and stalked through the living room on silent feet, planning to check the front door and then on the kids, when he heard a soft  _ klink _ from the kitchen.

He undid the safety, but kept the muzzle of the handgun trained on the floor and his finger just to the side of the trigger as he rounded the corner.

Movement from the ceiling drew his attention and he bit his tongue to keep from swearing.

Bekah, looking like a red-haired Samara from  _ The Ring _ , (and why had he  _ ever _ let Barton talk him into watching those movies?) was crawling on the ceiling with a glass in one hand.

“Hey, baby girl.” He replaced the safety and set the gun on the island as he passed it. “What’re you doing up so late?”

The little girl crawled down and across the cabinets, landing on the counter with silent feet, and sat cross-legged.

“I couldn’t sleep so I got up to get some milk.” She pointed to the jug next to her.

“How about I make you something warm to help you sleep?” He took the glass and traded it from the cabinet for two mugs and pulled a saucepan out from under the counter before starting the stovetop.

Bekah handed him the gallon of milk so he could pour in a few cups. Apparently she knew what he was making before the memory had even registered.

Bucky began to heat the pan’s contents, smiling.

He remembered being a kid and, on the rare occasion they had the extra cash to afford it, his ma would sometimes make he and his sisters warm milk and honey before bed.

Bekah smiled from her spot on the counter as he told the story. She obviously had heard it before, but it made Bucky feel warm inside to know that someone else would remember if he ever forgot again.

These weren’t Steve’s memories, no matter how much he wished the other man could remember them  _ for _ his friend, just like Bucky couldn’t share in Steve’s memories of  _ his  _ mother; they wouldn’t mean the same thing. But they could at least pass them on to the next generation.

The door to the kids’ bedroom opened and Danny shuffled out in his t-shirt and pajama pants, rubbing at his eyes and yawning. He had the marks of someone who hadn’t been sleeping well, which seemed to be genetic in this family.

Bekah handed Bucky the honey as the milk began to foam. He turned off the heat.

“Something smells good.” Danny sat on a stool at the island.

“Daddy’s making milk!” Bekah tapped a few drops of vanilla into the pan.

Bucky smiled as he added the cinnamon and stirred the brew together. Bekah pulled a third mug out so he could divide the pan’s contents between them.

“What do you say we take a mental health day from school tomorrow?” he offered as he passed out the mugs. They both looked so tired and it was already - he checked the clock on the stove - three in the morning and it didn’t look like anyone had gotten any sleep that night.

Danny shook his head.

“It’s Friday, test day, and I’m supposed to meet up with my partner for the English project after school.”

_ Oh, right. _ Bucky had forgotten about that.

“You sure?”

Danny shrugged.

“I know the material and Angelique will understand if I’m a little tired.”

Bucky looked to Bekah.

“I’m six. First grade doesn’t take much energy, plus we get nap time.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head. His kids were so weird.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky learns something new about Danny.  
> He's also a very awkward parent, but all he knows is himself at that age. (And we all know how he was...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record: I didn't realize that today was Valentine's Day until last night and I'd already scheduled this to be posted today three days ago.

Bucky walked through the halls, trying to remember where the school’s library was. He just had to find Danny and then they’d go get Bekah from her meeting with her mentor. If he could just find the right hallway.  


He finally found the library and saw Danny sitting at one of the tables with a girl about his age with hair dyed a navy blue and dark, umber skin. She was quite beautiful and Bucky smiled at the way she and Danny were sitting close together, sharing a book.

Danny glanced up and saw him. He waved.

Bucky returned the greeting and watched as the fourteen year old gathered his things and tilted his head in his father’s direction when speaking to the girl, presumably to tell her that he had to go.

She looked sad to see him leave but smiled and said something Bucky couldn’t make out, making Danny laugh as he made his way towards his father.

The two were quiet as they walked through the halls of the nearly empty mansion, most of the students being outside enjoying the abnormally warm weather, until Bucky cleared his throat.

“She’s pretty,” he stated, glancing sideways at his son.

Danny focused his gaze to the floor, shifting his backpack.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

The kid was fourteen and he was going to be spending a lot of time with a pretty girl for this project. Did Bucky need to have a conversation with him? He knew that  _ he’d  _ needed one at that age, for sure.

“So,” he glanced again at Danny. “Were you thinkin’ of getting fresh with the girl?”

_ Smooth, Barnes. Real smooth. _

Danny’s usually grey skin became pale as a ghost.

Bucky frowned and directed his attention to the passing floor tiles.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.” He scuffed his boot on his next step. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do anything you regretted later.”

He heard more than saw his kid shrug his shoulders.

“It’s no big deal. I just-” Danny’s eyes darted to and away from Bucky so fast he almost didn’t catch it. “I don’t really think of girls in that way.”

Bucky blinked for a moment, barely avoiding tripping over his own feet.  _ Wait, what? … Oh. How’d I miss something like that? _

“Or guys,” Danny added, pulling Bucky’s train of thought right off the rails and his steps to a halt.

And again:  _ Wait… What? _ So, recap: Danny didn’t like girls… Or guys? Bucky’s brows furrowed in thought.

“So, uh, how does that work exactly?” The older man scratched the back of his neck nervously.

_ Don’t say something stupid. Don’t put your foot in your mouth. Don’t act like a jerk. _

Danny, with his eyes still to the floor, shrugged again.

“I just don’t. I'm what's called ‘asexual.’”

Bucky nodded slowly, still working it out in his head, before continuing down the hall.

Danny was soon next to him again.

“So…” Bucky looked over at the boy and saw him biting his lip and running his thumb along the strap of his backpack. “You’re not mad?”

Bucky stopped where he was and blinked a few times.  _ Wait, what? _ he thought for what was the third time in that same hallway.

“Why would I be mad?” Bucky’s voice didn’t hide a single bit of the confusion or hurt at his son’s words.

Danny shrugged ( _ You gotta stop with the shrugging and talk to me, kid. _ ) but looked at him through his dark lashes.

“I dunno. Most people get mad or call me a freak or start asking me if I’m a plant or crap like that.”

Bucky stared at him for a moment, just taking in the look of utter dejection, like he was just waiting to be berated or humiliated, before yanking him into a full-body embrace.

Danny froze but relaxed and held his father back.

Bucky released his son just enough that they could see each other’s faces but didn't let go of his shoulders. Tears rolled down the boy’s cheeks, the sight making Bucky want to destroy every single person who had caused them to be there. It didn't matter to him in that moment that he'd be going back to his old training to accomplish that goal.  


“Daniel. There’s no reason I would ever be angry with you and I would  _ never _ call you a freak.” Bucky moved one hand up to Danny’s cheek, forcing him to look him in the eye. “And as for the rest: you didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I may not be able to understand, it but that doesn’t mean I can’t still treat you like my son.”

Danny nodded, but Bucky hadn’t finished.

“And if anyone ever says something like that again, I’ll beat the hell out o’ them.”

Danny chuckled.

“Ya know, that won’t really change their thinking.”

Bucky smirked.

“No, but it’ll sure make  _ me _ feel better. Now let’s get going. Your sister’s waiting for us.”

After a moment of walking, Bucky nudged Danny’s side.

“But really: You carryin’ a torch for her?”

Da-ad!” Danny groaned, causing Bucky to laugh.

“What?” Bucky tried for innocence but missed it by a country mile. “I’m pretty sure there’s a difference.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. It is a spectrum and everyone is different to a point.  
> It's really hard for an asexual person to find representation in a story that doesn't make us out to be a joke, and it's even harder to find a story where someone will tell a parent and the parent doesn't act like a total jerk. So I wrote this story as a sort of therapy for myself and a way to give others a way to see themselves in a more positive light than media has a habit of doing.  
> Here, Bucky is trying to be a good parent and he's very awkward. He's got a teenager and all he knows is himself at that age (and even that's fuzzy) so he's working with information that's a) out of date and b) not applicable. And yet he's still trying. Real-life parents: Take note.
> 
> Also:  
> 1\. Bucky is right. There is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. I myself am asexual, but I do (very rarely) feel romantic attraction. (There is also aesthetic and platonic attraction, but I didn't cover that here)  
> 2\. For those of my readers who either aren't good at slang or aren't native English speakers: Asking someone if they're thinking about "getting fresh" with someone is asking if they're thinking about flirting or making advances towards someone. And "carrying a torch" is asking if Danny has a crush.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the hopes and dreams we have aren't accessible, no matter how many stars we wish on or how much we believe in them.  
> But there are always those people in our lives who will support and love us no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was a kid, I always wanted to work in the theatre or in a band. When I got older, I realized that I didn't want to be on the stage, no matter what way, but in the back doing the makeup or costumes or taking care of the instruments.  
> Now that I'm an adult, I realize that neither of those dreams are very accessible for me, due to a number of problems. (Some of them physical and others mental) But it's always important to at least try and reach for them.  
> Friends and family should always be there to support you. If they don't support you in a safe and reasonable endeavor, drop them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Natasha sat on the couch reading her book.

Or, she had been trying to. It now sat forgotten in her lap as Yasha played the piano while his voice carried through the apartment.

Danny had come home talking about the school play that he wanted to try out for, all excited about the story and the characters and talking about how amazing the songs were.

James had called their eldest, asking if he’d be willing to come and practice with his brother to get ready for auditions on Monday.

Yasha had arrived within ten minutes, dusting off James’ rarely used piano and tuning up.

Now the boys had apparently gone through all of the main solos that Danny might be asked to sing and the younger boy had taken a break, leaving the elder alone at the keys.

He tapped out a melody, sad and upbeat at the same time, a question and an answer in the notes.

“ _ I’ve learned to slam on the brake; Before I even turn the key,”  _ he began singing.  _ “Before I make the mistake; Before I lead with the worst of me.” _

Natasha closed her book and listened as he went through the song, pouring out emotions that she hadn’t even realized were there.

_ “On the outside, always looking in; Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?” _

James came in and leaned against the wall, eyes wide with pride and curiosity shining through.

_ “‘Cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass; I’m waving through a window.” _ Yasha’s fingers danced across the keys, eyes closed.  _ “I try to speak, but nobody can hear; So I wait around for an answer to appear.” _

Danny hummed along from where he was getting a glass of water in the kitchenette, apparently used to random bouts of emotional outburst from his brother.

_ “While I’m watch, watch, watching people pass; I’m waving through a window.” _ Yasha’s face screwed up.  _ “Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?” _

He played an escalating scale before singing another few lines, Natasha catching James’ eye.

_ You’re hearing this, right? _

James shook his head, eyes wide:  _ I have no idea how we didn’t know about this. _

Yasha continued the song, slowing the tempo after a few bars.

_ “When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around; Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound?” _ The tempo grew and grew and grew, the phrase repeating with very little deviation, until he ended in a whisper:  _ “Will I ever make a sound?” _

The piano stopped for a moment and Natasha thought the song was over until he jumped right back in with enough emotion to knock anyone off their feet.

_ “On the outside, always looking in; WIll I ever be more than I’ve always been? ‘Cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass, Waving through a window.” _

He finished the song, and Natasha had to wipe tears from her eyes.

_ “Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?”  _ His voice rose to a crescendo.  _ “Is anybody waving? Waving, waving, whoa-oh-oh-oh.” _

Yasha sat at the piano, breathing heavy.

“That,” James whispered. “Was amazing.”

Their eldest offered a shy smile and pushed a lock of hair from in front of his face.

“Why did you want to teach music?” Natasha shook her head, trying to make sense of the nonsensical. “You could do anything with a voice like that. And the way you play the piano...”

He shrugged and played a slow, bluesy-rock tune. Bekah climbed into his lap and placed her fingers on top of his, copying the movements.

“No Shinedown,” Danny called as he slid onto the couch.

Yasha winked and played louder.

“Wait, so you've never wanted to do anything else?”

The young man looked sad for a moment, the expression making him appear older than his twenty-three years.

“I did, for a while, but mutants weren't generally accepted on the stage when I was coming up and it was hard enough to get anyone to let me in a college,” he switched to a song in the minor-key that Natasha recognized from a musical she'd seen at a university in Indiana a few years ago. “And voices like mine are always hired for the pretty boy parts.”

He waved one hand towards his face, the scar reaching from his eyebrow down to his mouth still glaringly evident and the golden eye he bore shining in the light.

His mouth had healed shut without any infection and the doctors had said he was lucky that the Hydra surgeons had, in the very least, sewed it straight, but the scar was jagged and would always be a horrifying reminder of darker times.

“Besides,” he continued, smiling as he switched to a song from one of Bekah's favorite Disney movies. “We've got a lot of work to do.”

Bekah giggled at his not so subtle joke.

Natasha studied her family for a moment.

James: a good father, despite what he feared, and a good man regardless of past circumstances. He'd been her lover off and on for the past fifty years as well as her friend and confidante, only stopping when they were forcibly separated, and even that hadn't lasted forever.

Yasha: the young man with  _ so much emotion _ that he seemed almost insistent upon hiding in an effort to stay strong for his family. He'd married well and was a good leader, brave and clever; willing to sacrifice himself and his happiness for the sake of others.

Danny: much like his brother but with more secrets, though he didn't think she knew about those. He was quieter but no less assertive when it came to standing up for others than the rest of his family.

Bekah: she was so young and had so much of herself left to discover and form. Natasha wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, being able to help influence the mind of this little girl and the world she would one day help create. But she was already so assertive and outspoken; that is, when she felt like she had something to say. She was going to change the world one day.

They all were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs in order are:  
> Main Song that Yasha sings - "Waving Through A Window" from Dear Evan Hansen  
> Bluesy-rock song - "Call Me" by Shinedown  
> Song from Bekah's favorite Disney movie - "Make A Man Out of You" from Disney's Mulan (1998)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the parents leave and the big brother's off-planet, they call in their cousin to babysit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to 9VaniaStein9 for helping me with this chapter. Luis talks so fast and I have issues with that, so she was invaluable during this. (Also, kudos to her for catching how Luis always blinks really hard after he's finished with a story. I never caught that.)
> 
> For those of you who aren't ascribed to this headcanon: https://squeaky-floorboards.tumblr.com/post/182508224601/  
> Bucky had sisters. Three of them, to be exact, but one of them moved to California in every canon after getting married. I thought Bucky needed a relative that was still alive and not filled with angsty-angst and sadness, so Luis was a perfect fit. Fight me on this one.

Natasha hung up the phone and slipped it into her pocket.

Phil was one of her oldest friends and she could do this one job for him without it turning into a line of jobs. Maybe.

She was still mad at him for the whole “I'm not dead” thing, but not as much as she used to be. It was good for someone she could trust to be in charge of the new SHIELD. Less... disturbing.  


She pulled the duffel down from the top of the closet with all of her less savory gear in it; the equipment that wasn't socially acceptable to use when acting as an Avenger. The bag hit the bed with a dull thud and unzipped easily enough, filling the room with the scent of gun oil.

A knock on the doorframe behind her alerted her to James’ presence.

“Where are you going?”

“Phil needs me to do some recon for him.” She focused on inspecting her weapons.

“Okay.” He pulled his own arsenal out of the closet.

“No.” She tossed the gun she'd been holding onto the bed. “You don't have to come with me.”

He smiled as he set his bag on the other side of the bed.

“No, but I want to.”

She scoffed.

“You can barely stand to go on missions with the Avengers. Why would you voluntarily do this?”

He stopped cataloguing his weapons.

“Because it's with you.”

Natasha stared. He always knew what to say to make her lose her voice.

“Well,” she began after a moment. “What about the kids?”

“Luis got called back in to help with a subsidiary of  _ Plutronics’. _ I can ask him to stay a few extra days.”

Natasha shook her head.

“We can't always depend on your nephew.”

“You know you love him.” He grinned.

She ignored him in favor of asking F.R.I.D.A.Y. to call their relative in San Francisco.

  
  
  


She stumbled through the front door, James right behind her, and toed off her boots.

The “recon mission” had turned into a full-blown fire fight and she'd been glad that James had insisted on coming with her. Having a sniper on the roof had definitely made her job easier and she hadn't had to resort to being the “damsel in distress” to throw her opponents off for even a moment.

Regardless of the relative ease with which the mission was completed, they were both exhausted and just wanted a quiet night at home… but not this quiet.

The apartment was silent as the grave.

Stark had outfitted every residence in the compound with sound-proof walls, but those only worked if the doors were closed and Natasha knew that they had left their bedroom door open, she could see the children's room wide open, and the rest of the apartment was an open floor plan. 

Luis always slept on the couch when he stayed over. The couch itself was empty, save for a blanket and pillow folded neatly on the end.

James tapped her elbow, letting her know he had her back, as he unholstered his gun but kept it at his side.

They hadn’t been quiet coming in, so Natasha didn’t see any point in trying to be anymore.

“Anybody home?”

A shushing sound came from the hall closet.

James slid it open to reveal Luis on the floor, partially concealed by coats.

“‘Sup, Tio James?” He grinned.

“Luis.” James raised an eyebrow as he holstered his gun. “What’re you doing in here?”

“Well, ya see,” he began. “Beks got bored playing  _ Candy Land _ , even after we made up our own rules to make it more interesting, you know what I’m sayin’? And we even made the whole house into a life-sized candy land. And you said they weren’t allowed to go anywhere while you were gone, except to Yasha’s place, right? But he’s with the in-laws on Jotunheim, ya know?”

Natasha smiled. She really did love this kid.

“So I got to thinkin’: How do you keep a six-year-old entertained in a tiny apartment for two days when she runs out of homework? And we already watched both  _ Totoro  _ and  _ Castle in the Sky _ and I knew that you wouldn’t want her watching a whole bunch of TV.” He gestured grandly as he spoke. “And I thought about how Abuela Rebecca would have me and my cousins play Hide and Seek when we were bored and had already gotten in trouble with mama for makin’ her pots and pans dirty, right? And after mama’d make us fix it, we’d still have lots of energy, you know? Like, we’d run around the house and run into each other and abuela would tell us to hide and she’d find us and whoever won got one of her candies that she kept around in her purse that must’ve had a  _ lot _ of candy in it because it always weighed a ton, and-”

“So, that was your idea to keep to keep Bekah entertained?” James interrupted to stop the rabbit trail, that - though endearing - was a little long for this situation.

“Yeah, and it worked!”

He blinked hard at them, subconsciously signaling that he was done.

James smirked, side-eyeing Natasha for a moment. They’d both caught it.

“Alright, sounds good. Who’s seeking?”

Luis’ face fell.

Danny’s head phased through the side of the couch. (Apparently the inside was his go-to hiding spot.)

“Wait, I thought  _ you _ were seeking.”

“And you hid in  _ there _ ?” Luis gestured to the furniture. “How am I supposed to find you in there unless I cut it open, bro?”

Danny shrugged.

The air vent above their heads popped open, Bekah poking out of it.

“So, does this mean I win?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me on this one.  
> The Stark Family is up next. The chapters for that one are a little longer than usual, but there's a lot of information and plot packed into that story. (I might post one tonight? Maybe?)  
> Banner/Hulk is also finished and ready. Hulk has his own POV so I am ecstatic about showing you guys that.  
> @couchpotaito on tumblr has messed up my writing schedule, though, because I /was/ going to write Rhodey next, but they asked for a prequel-type thing about the Avengers when they sent to kids through time. So except an Avengers // 2044 soon. (Also, there is another ficlet that was spawned from that one because I am bitter about how certain female MCU characters were completely BAMF but turned into Mangst for the male protagonists and that will be coming after Bruce)  
> You can find all of this and more updates on my tumblr @squeaky-floorboards and if you just message me, I'll add you to the tag list for updates.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think?


End file.
